surviving twinfants

a desperate, sleep deprived email i sent pleading for prayer. the babies were just one week old.

we are surviving & it’s getting a little easier… the first two days home were beyond hard. Berkley stayed up for 9 hours… 5 pm – 3 am ..SCREAMING. the only time she was not upset was when she was feeding. my milk came in that day and I am wondering if she was really gassy or might be having symptoms of reflux already? She still screams a lot after eating when we try to put her down. We hold her upright for a while after burping and it seems to be helping a little. We were so grateful Wed. night when she slept without waking/ screaming until it was time to eat. She struggles to nap during the day as well…often waking out of sleep with a shrill scream after only 30 minutes. Do you think this sounds like it might be reflux? she burps like a truck driver and has spit up several times. Also, sometimes she seems as if she is gagging. We had a follow up apt with the ped on Tuesday and they said it was not typical and to call if it continues…so we are going back this afternoon. I thought new babies slept all the time  Ryan and I had only slept maybe 3 hours the first 48 hours home. Davis on the other hand is calm as a cucumber. We put him down awake and he looks around…keeping his eyes open sometimes for up to 30 minutes…no fussing..then he is down for the count.

The first night ryan & i were listing our praises… we had to pray and LAUGH to keep from crying. We do have so much to be thankful. And every day we see some form of progress. To list a few of the thing we are grateful for…
1.our babies didn’t need any NICU and are not hooked up to machines, having health complications, etc. we would not be sleeping anymore in that case. We would be in bed at home worried out of our minds. We are so glad they are home safe & sound.

2. They are both eating and gaining well. We have been tandem nursing exclusively since the day we came home from the hospital. It is saving us at least 30 minutes a feeding which is great since there are only 2 hours in between them by the time we put them down. I tried our whole routine by myself today (waking, changing, eating, burping, swaddling, putting back to bed) just to gain confidence in my ability to manage all of this.

3.both babies gained 2 oz. the first day home…and not so important, but encouraging none the less… I am only 9 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.

4. I am more in love with ryan than I ever could have imagined. I cry often, realizing just how much of a help mate he is… there is no way possible I could do this without him. He is a joyful servant and gives great perspective when I feel like I just can’t do this.

These are just a few of the many ways we have seen the LORD providing for us. Please pray that He will give us His rest…even when we are sleepless throughout the day/nights. Please also pray against anxiety. I have spent many opportunities I’ve had to rest throughout the day or night worrying about things I cannot control… I just cannot seem to turn off my mind. “When will it get better? When will we sleep again? What if I can’t do this? What will I do when Ryan goes back to work?” Sometimes I try to sleep on the couch for an hour but end up feeling guilty for leaving ryan to tend to Berkley’s fussing. It makes sense for one of us to rest when we can, but I just can’t let him do it alone. Pray for discernment at the dr. appointment today and that our sweet girl gets the help she needs. Finally, please pray for hope and encouragement in the Lord. I have had one big crying/ sobbing spell a day and am not sure if this is normal or signs of PPD. When I am insanely tired in the night it feels like I really might die! And I have actually wondered if there is someone else who can raise them for the next few months! Isn’t that crazy?! Does this get better/ easier…or does your body & mind simply adjust? I do not want to wish these days away... our babies are so tiny and perfect and this time will go all too quickly, I know.

So enough of my emotional babbling. I appreciate you being a sounding board and especially for your prayers during this time.


dear friends,
i was beyond encouraged by your emails and personal examples of surviving the first weeks of parenthood! i cried as i read them and was filled with hope. if not for lack of time i would respond to you each but please know how grateful i am that you took the time to encourage and pray for our family.

the doctor's appointment was helpful and they have identified "silent reflux". they attempted to give berkley the syringe of barium but her little tummy was so full of gas that they could only get 1/2 an oz. into her. even with that small amount we saw the berium coming back up, but it never actually came out. although she has only spit up a few times... it explains some of the screaming, gagging, & tummy tightening she is experiencing.

she is now on a drug called tagamet every 8 hours. it has not yet made a difference but we are hopeful. if she is not responsive they will put her on previcid and the final step would be reglan. she is also on 1/2 tsp. of mylanta 4 times a day for her stomachaches/ gas. please pray for her healing and that the medicine will take effect.

thank you for praying for physical rest for ryan and i. although our sleep is fragmented, we are grateful for it and our bodies are beginning to adjust a little. berkley had 2 good nights...waking/ screaming for only an hour on monday night and hardly at all last night. she seems to be wearing herself out with crying through the day but the days do go fast and i do not feel as hopeless.

thank you for continuing to pray for us and that our hope and encouragement would be in the LORD and not in any medicine or future milestones.

a friend sent this video along... it was particularly challenging to me and a wonderful reminder of what is true...even when i am not believing it!

the 23rd Psalm
Subject: Abby Caroline Mosley - Age 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3buLQoCN6KY