mommy wisdom

this was passed on from a friend. i have thought often about what it says and this "sacred duty" called motherhood...

My mother says, "when I look back at my life, the time with little children is just a blink." I remember that when I get discouraged or impatient, when I grumble in weak moments about putting my own life aside to cater to these needful little people; and then I look at them and realize how quickly they'll be too big for my arms. I'll never have this time back. Almost makes me want to wake my baby up for a snuggle and a nurse...

A wise cousin in California passed this second thought on to me, kind of a cosmic chain letter. She said, "when you're up in the wee hours of the morning nursing, or rocking, or pacing with that baby, stop and think of how many mommies are doing the exact same thing at the exact same time, all over the planet. And then send out a good thought to them all..." I did, I do, though my littlest doesn't wake at night anymore. I think of women in Africa and India and Russia, of barefoot women in tropical heat and bundled women in snowed-in neighborhoods like mine. Wealthy women lounging in splendor and poor women in leaky trailers; Women whose husbands snore nearby, women in shelters single and struggling. Women in their teens, women in their 40s, all doing just what you're doing now. It's the sacred duty, the loving night watch, like a second midwifery easing this baby into life one month at a time.

I hugged my long legged six year old today and can barely remember when he was that warm, soft weight in my arms. I don't know exactly when his head lost the baby smell, when he first got morning breath, how he grew overnight into this young man, all elbows and knees, and too busy for long snuggles except when he crawls into our big bed before dawn. I said, do you know that before you were born, I had never been anybody's mommy before? I didn't even know what to do." He looked amused to think I wasn't always a mommy. How did I learn, he wanted to know. "You taught me", I said.

My favorite motto is: you CAN have it all, just not all at once. Once I had an interesting career full of travel and media spots and adventure; ahead of me I have a million plans. But right now I am a mommy, heart and soul, 24 hours a day, and it is the greatest wealth and the biggest adventure yet. In the years of having babies I have learned only one thing I wish I could give as a baby shower gift: the knowledge that I am enough. That I can trust my heart not to mislead me. That everybody everywhere is selling me books and advice and gadgets that I do not need, because all my baby needs is me. Not forever, but for now.

A toast to all of you moms who are doing your best, working this out, looking for answers, changing your minds, trusting your hearts. When you look back on your lives the time with little children will be just a blink. Be proud, be patient, be easy on yourself. And don't forget to send out a prayer for others in the wee hours of the morning