teaching assertiveness

an important life skill for children and adults is knowing how to be assertive, not passive, aggressive or often in my case...passive aggressive :) without developing this skill, we attempt to control behavior through fear, physical aggression or a more subtle control that may be more familiar to you... emotional manipulation. we wonder why we have a society of people who either avoid conflict out of fear or become intoxicated by it. i am learning through life experiences and difficult relationships to be assertive... how to express my feelings, expectations and disappointments in an honest, yet composed way. it feels good. it does good. it may not always have the result that i hope for, but i'm a healthier person because of it.

i desperately need God's grace and wisdom as i attempt to teach our children appropriate assertiveness. it is a learned skill and therefore must be developed through practice. this means giving them the words to say when they feel infringed upon.

would you agree that we are quick to give attention to the "aggressor"?
"why did you do that? you know the rule about hitting!!! go sit in time out."

now i am not arguing against time out in this ramble (maybe another time) but how often do we empower the victim in a given situation and then teach new skills to an aggressor? my encouragement is that we begin doing so. not only will we have children who can learn to set appropriate boundaries, we teach children the necessary behaviors to express their needs or wants. win - win, i'd say!

end of tangent... roll the video.
here is a really funny clip of davis practicing his assertive voice. i have used this clip in my trainings with district employees.

ps..you will have to pause the music on my side bar before playing the video